In the Blink of an Eye

Have you ever seen one of those little books with the illustrations on each page which appear animated when you riffle the pages quickly from beginning to end? I used to have one have that featured a dancing couple, and the idea that I could make them twirl and spin and dip their way through a virtual ballroom absolutely fascinated me.

If I could dig through my photo albums and find just the right pictures of my son, I imagine I could create a wondrous book of his life thus far, from infancy to adulthood. And I could make the pages from September 29, 1987 to September 29, 2008 flutter by over and over again, reliving memories that seem as though they were made only yesterday.

When you have babies, people far wiser than you are at the time (people who aren't sleep-deprived) warn that you'd better pay good attention, because the time will fly by and your children will be grown and gone in a flash. I'm a living witness to the truth of their words today, the day before my son turns 21. It's one of God's greatest mysteries, how we got from the photo of the toddler, just up from his nap (he was a wonderful sleeper), clinging to his beloved blankie and his last pacifier, to the handsome young man in his college fraternity portrait. My compliant child, he grew up in spite of me.

So happy birthday Ben. I love you, I'm proud of you, and I can't wait to see your future unfold. And don't forget what I told you when you were a senior in high school: Always remember whose you are.
Here are 21 more great bits of advice on your 21st birthday...

"Use what talents you possess—the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke

"The best way out is always through." ~ Robert Frost

"Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." ~ Francis of Assisi

"Sometimes you've got to jump off cliffs and grow wings on the way down." ~ Ray Bradbury

"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are." ~ Marcus Aurelius

"The only ones among you who will be truly happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve." ~ Albert Schweitzer

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." ~ Psalm 37:4

"Overnight success takes a long time." ~ Stephen Jobs

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing." ~ George Bernard Shaw

"Do the ordinary things in an extraordinary way." ~ George Allen

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." ~ Jack Lemmon

"Whether you think you can or you can't, you're absolutely right." ~ Henry Ford

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." ~ Zephaniah 3:17

"Once the mind has been stretched by a new idea, it will never again return to its original size." ~ Oliver W. Holmes

"Where there is great love there are always miracles." ~ Willa Cather

"I never look at the masses as my responsibility. I look at the individual. I can only love one person at a time." ~ Mother Teresa

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint." ~ Isaiah 40:31

"A ship in the harbor is safe - but that is not what ships are made for." ~ John A. Shedd

"The best things in life are free." ~ Cole Porter

"All things are possible with God." ~ Mark 10:27

"You are a child of your heavenly father. Your faith in His love and power can never be bold enough." ~ Basilea Schlink

More Is More

I'm in a rut. I can't stop eating tomato sandwiches for supper, and it's all my co-worker Lisa's fault. She sent me a link to this website, and that was the beginning of my obsession.

See, I was raised on tomato sandwiches (along with cucumbers in vinegar, Brunswick stew, and fried oysters), so the website she innocently passed along was bound to strike a chord deep inside. We're talking comfort food...flavors that bring childhood memories rushing back to your mind...meals you'd forgotten could taste so amazing.

This week, my tomato sandwiches have been made of toasted sourdough wheat bread from the Farmer's Market, mayo, homegrown tomatoes (again, from the Farmer's Market), plenty of garlic salt and freshly ground pepper, and the piece de resistance—a melted slice of Provolone cheese. Lisa's recipe provided me with a revelation: Toasting the bread creates an entirely new sort of tomato sandwich, one that won't dissolve into a soggy mess before you can finish eating it—Eureka! And when I googled, "perfect tomato sandwich," I came up with a lot of delicious sounding variations.

My Granna Settle's tomato roll was a modification of the tomato sandwich my mother made. When my Granna died 11 years ago I grieved, among other reasons, because I would miss our long phone conversations, her unconditional love, and her yeast rolls. To enjoy one of her fresh rolls one more time, slathered with mayonnaise and adorned with a thick, juicy slab of tomato (courtesy of my Granddaddy, who annually grew enough tomatoes for all of Italy)...well, that would be a little slice of heaven.

Are you seeing a connection? It's so easy to get hung up on something that touches you deeply on an emotional level, and it's natural to want to keep evoking that same pleasurable response over and over. But there are two problems with the emotional connection...

First, you're bound to burn out eventually. There will come a day when I can't bear the thought of eating another tomato sandwich. And only time will tell if I'll recover from the excess, or if tomato sandwiches will be off of my personal menu forever.

The second potential problem with going overboard is that you may miss out on the present by focusing on the future. For example, what happens when the tomato harvest is over, and my tomato choices are reduced to pale, mealy imitations of the real thing? If I'm worried about that scenario while I'm eating my juicy tomato sandwich now, well, where's the joy in that? I suspect Peter experienced something similar during the transfiguration, related in Matthew 17:1-5 (NIV):

After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus.

Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah."

While he was still speaking, a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!"

In other words, Peter thought, "WOW, this is AMAZING. If I can just get these shelters built, I can show everyone how the prophecy is unfolding and the Feast of the Tabernacles is being brought full circle the coming of God's kingdom, AND I can make the moment last."

But that wasn't the plan, according to God. He said, "Peter...STOP. This is my SON....pay attention to THIS moment!"

When my kids and their cousins were growing up, everyone I knew had video cameras, and countless childhood moments were immortalized forever in film (all of which now need to be transferred to DVDs). I didn't have a camcorder though, mostly because I just always felt like I would be trading the present joy of experiencing the moment for looking through a lens, worrying about lighting and background noise.

Are you enjoying the "here and now" moments God graces you with? Or are you worried about where your next homegrown tomato is coming from? Life is a series of moments, some incredibly special, some not so much. But that's life, and to spend all of your time looking ahead (or worse, behind) is just sad. So seize the moment, or "carpe momento!"

Photo 1: Tomato sandwich image by Elizabeth Passarella, www.thekitchn.com
Photo 2: My fraternal grandparents, Walker & Frances Settle
Photo 3: My nephew, Noah Secor

Turn, Turn, Turn

This week, watching Sarah Palin electrify the Republicans at their national convention, I could almost imagine myself living in Alaska and being darned proud of it. But that was only an idle daydream, because I love being a Virginian too much.

I am glad to live in a state—no, commonwealth—that is rich in history…one of the original 13 colonies, and one that produced four of the first five presidents, at that. And, although we’re traditionally conservative, I confess I like living in a state that could go red or blue…a place presidential candidates will have to pay attention to, or else.

We stood with the South in the Civil War, but we’re not so insensitive we automatically assume you take your iced tea sweet. And if you’d you’re hungry for some local flavor, how about our seafood, peanuts, ham, apples, or Brunswick stew, just to name a few of our specialities?

Virginia spans the geological spectrum, from the majestic Blue Ridge mountains to the shores of the Chesapeake Bay, and everything in between. My father raised his garden in the red Piedmont clay of the same Virginia where my grandaddy made his living growing tobacco in Southside’s sandy soil. And I probably shouldn’t say this, with hurricanes roaming the Atlantic, but natural disasters are relatively rare here in Virginia.

Still, I think what I love the most about Virginia are its seasons. I can’t imagine living in a place where the months merge into one another with no clearly defined seasons. My favorite is fall, its warm afternoons filled with golden light filtering through jewel-toned leaves. The crisp nights, with frost in the air and crickets chirping, lend a sense of urgency to autumn…a warning to gather in crops, friends, and family before the cold of winter is upon us.

For me, the first part of winter is fun and festive, busy with Christmas celebrations. The rest of the season is in stark contrast—still and quiet, occasionally surprising me with billiantly faceted snowflakes and icy air that takes my breath away. Winter is a time to rest and regenerate. Spring is a tease, just as harsh as winter at times, but also giving glimpses of new life and better days for our winter-weary hearts. I celebrate Easter, the risen Messiah, and the colors begin to fill in the landscape. The promise is fulfilled, in our hearts and surroundings. Then, in a flash, summer is upon us, seeming to arrive unannounced and leave just as quickly. It’s a fast and furious season of activity, although I remember it being much lazier when I was a child.

Maybe my soul yearns for the structure of seaons because I recognize that they also make up the structure of our lives. We compare youth with “spring chickens,” and when we grow older we liken our lives to autumn, again with a sense of urgency to check things off of our “bucket list” before the winter of our old age.

But within the larger calendar of our lives are a multitude of seasons we travel through—seasons of learning, waiting, parenting, new endeavors, love, grief, perserverance, enlightenment, frustration, anger, joy—as many seasons as there are emotions, and more. Often they overlap. A season of waiting and grief may go hand-in-hand, as surely do parenting and new endeavors.

My children are in seasons of learning and new endeavors. In retrospect, I tell them these will be some of the best years of their lives, but I doubt they take me seriously. Oh, to be in college again, with a huge expanse of possibility stretching out before me like the horizon when you stand on the beach between the safety of the sand and the unknown that is the ocean.

My season of “hands on” parenting is finished, and the idea of that makes me sad. I threw myself into being a mother with my whole being for the past 21 years. But now I can not only look ahead to the next seasons in my life, I can also take joy in watching my children experience this season of their lives. It’s a double blessing, and I’m thankful for it.


"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

Note: Our Hannah has been asking to have her nose pierced with a small stud for the past year. I said no, with all of the parental advisement I could muster: "It'll get infected...You'll have to stick your finger up your nose, for heaven's sake...What about your first job interview? You'll have a scar!" But she turned 18 last month, and I think she knew, to tell the truth, that if that was the worst I had to deal with, I would be ok.