Thank You Notes

My daughter has been writing her graduation gift thank you notes for weeks now. Not surprisingly, she doesn’t seem as excited about this as she does about opening the cards that have been arriving in the mail almost daily.

Please don’t think she’s not grateful…on the contrary, she’s always glad to receive gifts (especially cold, hard cash). It’s one of her “love languages.” But maintaining good manners can seem tedious when you’re young with an active social life and the whole summer waiting for you to finish writing thank you notes.

Saying thanks by putting pen to paper isn’t as prevalent as it used to be, I’m afraid. Still, I have always required my children to write thank you notes. (Disclaimer: If you are reading this now and you’ve ever not received a thank you note from Ben or Hannah, I sincerely apologize. For all of my insistence, I eased up on the enforcement when they got older, relying instead on good old-fashioned guilt to get the job done.)

“Why do we have to write thank you notes?” they asked, and you may be asking, too. Here's my short list:

1. It’s the least you can do if someone’s given you a gift.
2. Because Miss Manners and I say so.

But there’s another reason for what my kids think is a necessary evil and what I call necessary etiquette, and it’s this: We need to be thankful.

It’s just that simple. I’ve heard it aptly described as having an “attitude of gratitude.” To my way of thinking, it’s being aware of God’s gifts and work in your life, every minute of every day, 24/7. It’s not easy and it takes practice. That’s why we need to write/say/sing it to the people around us and the God who made us whenever we have the chance.

As I was driving to work the other day, I was singing this song with Point of Grace:

You Are Good

When the sun starts to rise and I open my eyes, you are good, so good
In the heat of the day with each stone that I lay, you are so good
With every breath I take in, I’ll tell you I’m grateful again
When the moon rises high before each kiss goodnight, you are good

When the road starts to turn, around each bend I’ve learned you are good, so good
And when somebody’s hand holds me up, helps me stand you are so good
With every breath I take in, I’ll tell you I’m grateful again
Cause it’s more than enough just to know I am loved and you are good

So how can I thank you? What can I bring?
What can a poor man lay at the feet of the king?
So I’ll sing you a love song, it’s all that I have
To tell you I’m grateful for holding my life in your hands

When it’s dark and it’s cold, and I can’t feel my soul you are still good
When the world has gone gray and the rain’s here to stay you are still good
With every breath I take in, I’ll tell you I’m grateful again
And the storm may swell, even then it is well, and you are good

So how can I thank you? What can I bring?
What can a poor man lay at the feet of the king?
So I’ll sing you a love song, it’s all that I have
To tell you I’m grateful for holding my life in your hands

You are holding my life in your hands

I have a lot to be thankful for. So when I wake up each morning – rain or shine – I try to bring Psalm 118:24 to mind and heart before I ever open my eyes: This is the day the LORD has made: I will rejoice and be glad in it! And when I close my eyes at night, I try to offer up at least five things in my life that I was thankful for that day. Today I’m grateful for Jesus, my children, my health, my job, and low humidity.

What's on your "Top Five" list?

Fill 'Er Up!

A few weeks ago my son Ben was on his way from Abingdon back to Boone, North Carolina to settle into a new apartment and find a summer job. It was a gorgeous Saturday afternoon, with warm breezes and a cyan sky. Ben had come home for a doctor’s appointment and, to my knowledge, didn’t have anything going on that evening in Boone. So it shouldn’t have been a big deal when he was stopped in Damascus for the annual Trail Days Parade.

I was running errands when he called my cell phone. “Guess where I am?”

He hadn’t been gone long, but I really don’t like riddles and guessing games. “I dunno. Where?”

“Damascus.”

“Oh?” I asked, hoping he hadn’t been pulled over for speeding in Damascus.

“Yeah. I had to stop for the Trail Days Parade. So now I’m just sitting here.”

I immediately picked up on his tone, but I didn’t think having to stop for a parade on a beautiful Saturday sounded like such a bad thing. In fact, to me it sounded like it might be good for the soul, so I didn’t humor him. “Well that sounds cool. Enjoy!”

“Well, it’s not cool,” he shot back.

I countered with, “Can you do anything about it?”

Silence. ”Nope.”

“Then like I said, enjoy the parade. Just relax and be a Trail Days kinda guy for awhile,” I suggested. I wondered if he could hear the smile in my voice.

He used to be a Trail Days kinda guy, when he was younger. After all, Trail Days is a pretty big deal, not only locally, but up and down the east coast. Damascus has done a fine job of carving out a niche for themselves as an Appalachian Trail (AT) town, the only one, in fact, that the trail actually passes through. Damascus is also fairly close to being the halfway point on the 2,150-mile trail, which begins in Georgia and ends in Maine (or is it the other way around?). Every May, on the weekend following Mother’s Day, over 1,000 hikers, former hikers, and wannabe hikers, not to mention tourists, come together in Damascus to celebrate the AT. I’ve heard it compared with to a Grateful Dead concert...without the band, of course.

No matter the reason, Ben wasn’t into it this year, which led me to think he was looking at the situation as a glass half empty, while I saw it as a glass half full. The glass metaphor is almost a cliché. If you Google “glass half full” you’ll find 3,350,00 results, including a breast cancer CD website, a family blog I enjoyed browsing, and the website of an author, Carey Rowland, who wrote a novel titled, “Glass Half Full,” and who, ironically, lives in Boone. Maybe Ben should look him up…

I may be an optimist by nature, but I also try to purposefully see the glass as half full. This puts me at odds with The Today Show’s Matt Lauer, who admitted just the other morning that he’s a glass half empty guy. But we’ll probably never meet, so I can live with that. Even in restaurants my glass is always half full, although the wait staff (if they’re good) sees it as half empty and keeps trying to refill it. Our viewpoints may differ (I like to keep track of how much water I drink during the day), but I appreciate the attention and tip them well for their efforts.

In any case, I’ve found this much to be true: People tend to consistently pick one viewpoint over the other, whether intentionally or just by nature. If you don’t know which part of the glass you’re looking through, you can find out here.

And no matter which camp you’re in, my advice is to drink up! Take in all life has to offer, because when you look to God to fill your cup, it’ll never be dry. In fact, you may just find it’s overflowing.

“…Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.” ~ 1 Timothy 6:607 (NIV)

The Beginning

It’s over. It took 17 years to get here – the senior picnic, the awards assembly, baccalaureate, and graduation…plus a whole host of breakfasts, parties, and barbeques in honor of the AHS Class of 2008. But once we got to April, the days flew by in a blur of celebratory events. It felt much like it does when you finally get to the highest point on the roller coaster…and then plunge down, hands in the air and screaming at the top of your lungs. At least, that’s what it feels like for the parent of a graduate. I’m not sure it felt exactly like that for Hannah, but I’m certain she experienced the thrill, maybe even accompanied by the brief sensation of apprehension just before you begin to descend and feel like your stomach is going to drop into your shoes.

It’s ironic that, at this point in their lives, young adults would be feeling almost the same emotions their parents are, from celebration and excitement to sadness and perhaps just a little bit of fear. Of course, my graduate hasn’t actually expressed these emotions to me, at least not in so many words. And I know we’re experiencing similar feelings from very different perspectives. But no matter what the reasons, we feel what we feel (or as we like to say at work, it is what it is).

The thing to remember though is this: It’s not a time to look back. Memories are great for the senior video, but after that they’re best saved for the 10th class reunion. This is a time to look ahead, and try to discern what the future holds. It’s a time to be grateful, too…thanking God that He knows the plan, and admitting we don’t.

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

At one graduation party yesterday I enjoyed looking at photos of the family’s graduates through the years. Four have graduated from high school so far, with one to go. But this year they were blessed threefold with a college graduate, as well as twin high school graduates – Hannah’s friends Lauren and Alyssa – who walked to the podium together Friday night with arms linked and all smiles. I noticed that someone had sent a Dr. Seuss card – Oh, the Places You’ll Go! – and I appreciated that, not only because it’s a great book for any momentous occasion, but also because Dr. Seuss was such a big part of my children’s reading experiences as they grew up. So to quote Theodor Seuss Geisel…

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to great places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

Congratulations, and welcome to your future AHS Class of 2008 It's not over for you. This is just the beginning!

Parental Prom Wisdom

I've been through five proms in six years, and here’s what I’ve learned as the parent of both a boy and a girl:

1. It’s much easier to send a son to the prom than a daughter. Pretty much all Ben ever needed was money and some very basic guidelines… “Get a tux (preferably a classy one), make reservations for dinner somewhere without a drive-through, buy your date a flower (extra points if it complements her dress), drive very carefully, and treat her like a princess.”

Hannah, on the other hand, just needed money, and a lot of it. Her list included: THE dress, shoes, handbag, jewelry, hair, hair accessories, makeup, manicure, pedicure, waxing, tanning, and undoubtedly some other essentials I’ve forgotten. I also tried to share some parental wisdom with her, of course, but it just got lost in the pre-prom madness. In retrospect, I should have picked my time more carefully, like the previous October.

2. When it comes to prom attire, resistance is futile. I thought Ben’s first tux made him look like a gangster, but it was the one he was determined to wear, and wear it he did. The dress Hannah wore this year was the very first one she picked out online, but I wasn’t so sure. So we ordered three others, none of which worked, and ended up scrambling to get the first dress here and altered the day before the big night. I could have saved myself a lot of hassle and shipping charges if I’d just gotten with Hannah’s program in the beginning.

3. The “official” pictures taken at the prom are a waste of money, but you can’t take too many pre-prom photos. There were 24 kids (that's right, 24) in Hannah’s prom group this time, and I juggled two cameras for over an hour to make sure we had pictures of every possible combination, including dates, friends, guys only, girls only, short dresses, long dresses, pale dresses, and sharp tuxedos, just to name a few. And there was a plethora of backgrounds to choose from as well. So naturally we posed in front of all of them, including the fountain, the gazebo, trees, flowering shrubs, the inn, and Main Street. When it was all, over my index finger was cramping and I felt qualified to add the title,“Paparazzi” to my resume.

4. If your child attends both their Junior and Senior proms, the first one will be “perfect,” but the second one will be more fun.

5. You will worry about them until they come home or call you and say they’re safely wherever it is they’re spending the night. Of course, that holds true anytime teenagers are out and about, but it’s never truer than on prom night (and maybe graduation).

6. Finally, as you watch your children and their friends get dressed up like the Rockefellers and drive off into the sunset, recognize that you’ve just had a magical glimpse into the not so distant future. Add it to your collection of precious memories, no matter how many pictures you took, and treasure it as the gift from God that it is.


Make our sons in their prime like sturdy oak trees, our daughters as shapely and bright as fields of wildflowers. ~ Psalm 144:12 (The Message)

On the Brink

“This is the last stop on the “College Tour.” Last school…last child. It should be easier by now, but it doesn’t feel that way. And I know it won’t feel any easier in August, when she loads up her car with all that is precious to her so far in life…the tangible things, anyway.

“But there’s also a sense of satisfaction and pride that I have when I listen to the university administrators and professors. I know she’s up to the challenge, and I’m brought to tears when I consider how many possibilities, how many adventures, are ahead of her. Oh, to be 17 again and standing on the brink of my future!”

I wrote that a couple of weeks ago, when my daughter Hannah attended an Open House at Radford University. We were in a mock English classroom and it was a writing exercise, but for me it was a reality check.

We are in the homestretch of her senior year. Life is a flurry of decisions about college, prom, graduation…and I’m the facilitator. Please don’t misunderstand and think I’m central, or even necessary to the process. It will happen with or without my participation. For once it really is all about her right now. But my reality is that the last chick is getting ready to fly the coop, and for a parent this is one of those life events which, like a flash flood, leaves a wake of reflections and emotions after its passing.

It’s ironic to me that, while I’m trying to deal with all of this one day at a time, her life is taking a quantum leap into the future. What’s a mom to do? Well, like her brother, I know she was raised in the truth and that God has a marvelous plan for her life. So I’ll just trust and pray as I wait to see His plan unfold.

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. ~ 3 John 1:4 (NIV)

Going Green

So Earth Day was this week, and although I've never publicly acknowledged Earth Day before, this seemed like a good forum in which to mention it. Until recently "going green" would have likely meant letting envy get the best of me, or traveling with cash in my pocket. I'm a fairly conservative girl and I've never actually hugged a tree. But working in the health and wellness industry has at least turned my radar screen a pale shade of green, and now phrases like "eco-friendly" and "environmental sustainability" roll off my keyboard with the greatest of ease.

More to the point though, my level of awareness about my personal environment is elevated. I'm putting more thought into how I live, from my diet to the cleaning products I use, to recycling paper at my desk (amazing how little "trash" is in my basket at the end of the day now). And I truly believe I'm making some small inroads toward doing my part. Oh, I know the current green revolution has taken on a life of it's own in the media, but face it: Do you know anyone who's really against the environment?

For me, it's really about stewardship. After all, God gave us a clear mandate to take care of this world a long time ago, and that trumps any man-made marketing campaign.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."

Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food." And it was so.

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day. ~ Genesis 1:27-31 (NIV)

If you're looking to "go green" (or "greener") bookmark The Daily Green. Or, if you're into hugging trees, try this one. Oh, and thanks to Hannah Link for the use of her tree painting!

Prepared to Be Surprised

I’ve never been the guest of honor at a surprise party. In fact, I’ve only had one birthday party in my entire life, and that was a really big deal back then. Unlike my own children, who used to have birthday parties every year when they were younger, a typical birthday for me and for my sister Ellen consisted of sharing some cake with our immediate family, opening a few gifts, and posing for Dad to take our official birthday photo for posterity.

The year of my one and only party I was eight, and my mother invited five friends to share in our cake and presents tradition and play pin the tail on the donkey. I didn’t know what “cool” was then, but I was in heaven. And maybe that particular birthday, which was so special to me, is the reason I used to go all out for my kids’ birthdays.

My greatest success for Ben’s birthday was a paintball party. We loaded up some pizza and cake, a whole Suburban full of boys, and about a gajillion paintballs and went to a paintball course in the woods near Blountville, Tennessee. The boys spent all afternoon running around and shooting at each other. It was a blast. A close runner-up was the year my father built an amazing “tree” house on stilts. He loaded it onto a trailer at his house and drove five hours to arrive at our McDonalds in the middle of Ben’s third birthday party. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

Hannah’s best party, in my opinion, was a “creek walking” party at Sugar Hollow Park when she turned six. We told her friends to meet us there with old shoes and a change of clothes, and they played in the creek for hours. We rented a shelter, which turned out to be a very good idea, because a typical August thunderstorm materialized just as we were grilling burgers. Hannah will tell you her most vivid memory of that day was of the cooler that held her ice cream cake sliding off of the back of the truck on the way up the steep hill to the shelter. Fortunately this ice cream cake, like most, was frozen as hard as the Artic tundra and survived the fall intact. It was a wonderful day, and I’d give anything to live it again.

These were wonderful days, and I’d give anything to live them again. But none of my children’s parties were surprises to them. They (Hannah, in particular) expended great efforts in “helping” me plan their birthday parties each year, starting approximately six months in advance. I did attend a surprise party for our friend Ed Dutton when he turned 50, but I believe that was my only opportunity to “surprise” someone.

Maybe surprise parties only happen in movies, but there are plenty of other surprises in real life. Some are good, like a big, fat tax refund check…a call from a friend you haven’t talked with in awhile…or visiting your mom and discovering she made your favorite meal. Others aren’t so good, like a letter from the IRS with no check enclosed…a call from your doctor with bad news…or losing a parent unexpectedly.

“Prepare to be Surprised” may sound like oxymoronic advice, but it’s a safe bet that you’ll be surprised one way or another most days. Just keep your eyes open, because sometimes the good surprises can be small and easily missed. And the bad ones? Nothing is certain in this life, but for me it’s enough just to know who holds the future in His hands. I may be surprised, but He’ll never be caught off guard.

“When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.” ~ Ecclesiastes 7:14 (NIV)